While I may not always verbalize the thoughts in prayer, my thoughts often turn to two types of questions: questions of comparison and questions of timing. Thankfully, Jesus’s disciples raised such questions following Jesus’s resurrection, giving us insight into how the Lord might answer our wondering.
I do not want to follow you today,
And though I know the path you set is right,
I do not want to walk the narrow way.
I struggle now to find the words to say
That, though I do not want to leave the light,
I do not want to follow you today.
I still will read the Bible, still will pray;
Yet, as I stand before the darkest night,
I do not want to walk the narrow way.
God, can I still within your purpose stay
When, with emotions filling me with fright,
I do not want to follow you today?
Storm clouds have come and turned clear skies to grey.
God, must I walk by faith and not by sight?
I do not want to walk the narrow way.
These few concerns before your throne I lay.
Lord, leave me not, though in this temp’ral plight,
I do not want to follow you today,
I do not want to walk the narrow way.
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Count the cost before you follow me.
I require more than you now foresee.
Will you seize this joyful slavery,
Or do you prefer captivity?
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I speak of beauty, but I feel it not;
Emotion cannot pass beyond the clot.
The intellect amasses stores of facts –
Is there any conviction in my acts?
I speak, but maybe merely for the sight.
My motivation is not love, but right.
Lord, take these stone-like aspects; make them flesh.
Remove the fallen focus and refresh
My mind and heart to know and love the truth,
And let me follow with the faith of youth.
Inhabiting eternity, yet near,
You, Lord, deserve allegiance, worship, fear.
By grace through faith, I rest in your great pow’r
And, ransomed, sing, “I need thee ev’ry hour.”
And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.”
Luke 9:23
