redemption

Origin Story

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I have been formed by faith and OCD,
The former giving language to the latter
That quickly learned to chatter and to batter
My mind and heart until I could not see
That what I thought was freedom charged a fee
And pseudo-peace did cut, curse, cripple, shatter.
The tapestry was torn until a tatter
Became the whole of my theology.
But faith in God does not require perfection,
And grace abounds the more in misperception.
In his good time, he trimmed the troubled vine,
Redeeming days I lost to the infection.
Truth triumphed over every deception.
My peace and freedom now are his design.

Photo by Abram Goglanian on Unsplash

Though the Earth Gives Way, Though the Nations Rage

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I believe in a light overcoming
And that good will endure to the end.
I believe there’s an end to this running.
When I feel most alone, there’s a friend.

I believe in a hope not unfounded,
In foundations untouched by decay,
In desires fulfilled, grace unbounded,
In the imminent breaking of day.

I believe that assurance is granted
Despite all evidence for the lie,
That the future’s a seed that’s been planted
And yet grows under God’s watchful eye.

I believe the existence of trouble
Doesn’t mean that the trouble will last,
That a garden can grow from the rubble,
That good days are not just in the past.

I believe in a rescue from ruin,
In salvation that’s certain and sealed,
In a day with no sorrow to rue, when
What is broken is finally healed.

Photo by Wes Hicks on Unsplash

Day 20: Turning Tides

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The tide rose to my nose before it fell,
Its inflow deepening the depths of fear
As I just tried to breathe. I was unwell,

Convinced I could not swim, that ev’ry tear
Was trouble self-inflicted due to sin.
The God of grace appeared to be austere,

Unwilling to relent. I had grown thin
Through waiting in the waves, and still I stayed
Till I had grown accustomed to my chin

Residing at the waterline. But aid
Was not far off. A voice called out, “Hold tight!”
‘Fore teaching me to see and swim. I prayed

And noticed water shallowing as light
Broke over all the breaking water’s pall
And in a moment brought an end to night.

Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash

Anxiety II

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I cannot change biology, I know.
I cannot strip the seasons of their weight.
I fight and fret to get my mind to slow.
I will not e’er be freed this anxious state.
My life is often tension, sometimes ease.
I wrestle with my measure of control.
But God reigns over all my -ologies,
And he remains the Shepherd of my soul.
I do not want this lot, but it is mine
To steward till the Master comes again.
I may now shudder, but I also shine
With grace sufficient from the Light of men.
My mind and heart malfunction. He redeems
And leads my anxious mind by peaceful streams.

Photo by guille pozzi on Unsplash

A Prayer for Faithfulness

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Make me the man that you want me to be
E’en if I do not want to be that man.
Teach me to trust you when I cannot see
The purpose in the details of your plan.
Help me to hope when tempted to despair
At circumstances greater than my strength,
To trust that, in the darkness, you are there
With love beyond all height, depth, width, and length.
Show me myself, and make me truly know
The greatness of my need and of your grace.
Remind me you are with me as I go,
And lead according to your path and pace.
Lord, search me, try me, know me, make me new.
Let all my life be lived in love of you.

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Waiting

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The psalmist waited patiently for you
And then bore witness to your care and grace.
Relief followed the waiting like the dew
After a night when darkness hid your face.
Though you are never absent, we may not
Detect you in the time before the dawn.
Your promises—oft doubted, oft forgot—
Prove true, a hope long hidden, never gone.
But patience is required, for though the end
Is certain, yet it does not come too soon.
You use the time we wait to break and mend.
In silence, we learn how to sing in tune.
So hope, though time be now a source of strain.
Our waiting on the Lord is not in vain.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Redeem

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How can you redeem what I have done?
I have sought solace in sin,
     worshiped idols, chose
          self over you.
True,
     you are sovereign still,
          ruler over every realm.
But how I rebel,
     rejecting life,
     desiring death.
I wound
     myself as well as
     those I love
          less than I love myself
          but more than I love you.
I have no excuse,
     no plea but your pardon,
     no hope but your help.
Salvage me
     that I might be useful,
          perhaps even
               faithful.
May it be.
     Have mercy.
          Redeem even me.

Photo by Zane Lee on Unsplash

Sadness is a growing thing

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Sadness is a growing thing.
     It is watered by frustrated plans,
          fed by unfulfilled affections,
          lengthened by loss.
Sadness is a subtle thing.
     Unchecked, it soon can choke
          life and love and laughter
               as grief sours and
                    breeds bitterness.
Sadness is a frail thing.
     It breaks open and spills out
          unexpectedly
          at the slightest touch.
Sadness is a fleeting thing,
     a fading thing.
     It is disarmed by a deeper truth,
          held in perspective by purpose,
          and will be redeemed
               at the coming of the one
               whose love was never lost.
     He will wipe away every tear.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Not According To Your Expectations

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I wonder what went through John’s mind as he sat in prison. He’d answered the call of the Lord in the wilderness, proclaiming the kingdom of God and baptizing the repentant (Luke 3:1-22). He’d prepared the way for the Messiah, introducing the Christ at the beginning of Jesus’s earthly ministry (John 1:29-36). He’d faithfully stood for righteousness in the face of Herod’s immorality (Matthew 14:4). And yet he found himself imprisoned. The crowds he once taught left him to follow Jesus (John 3:26). While John found joy in humbly playing his role in the bridegroom’s story (John 3:27-30), he seems to have struggled with doubt while in prison, for he sent some of his followers to Jesus to ask an important question.

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